Jim Corkery SJ provides some consoling thoughts to a person wracked by doubts about the existence of God.
Although I’ve always basically been a believer, I sometimes find myself wondering, ‘Is God really there at all?’ I think like this especially when bad things happen to innocent people. Then I feel guilty for doubting God’s existence. What can I do when doubts assail me?
In all of the really important things in life we lack the kind of certainty we find in mathematics. For example, while you are convinced of another person’s love for you, and quite right to be convinced of it, there can still be moments when you find yourself doubting that love. There can even be times when you doubt your own love, although you would staunchly object if anyone else dared to call it into question.
Similarly, although you may be full of belief in God, there will be times when you doubt God’s very existence, especially when something happens that seems irreconcilable with this love. Such experiences of doubt are very painful; but they are common experiences all the same.
Source of Consolation
Saint Thomas the Apostle is a source of consolation in the matter of doubt. He was both hurt and disappointed after the death of Jesus on the cross, and he had no intention of going through any further pain. So when the other disciples told him they had seen Jesus and that he was alive Thomas said, ‘Unless I see the holes that the nails made in his hands and can put my finger into the holes they made, and unless I can put my hand into his side, I refuse to believe’ (John 20:25). The pain of loss had taught him a certain caution, and he was not about to make himself vulnerable again.
What Jesus did in response to Thomas was remarkable. He did not reproach him for doubting. Instead he gave him the proof that he sought, even to the point of getting him to touch is wounds. And it was in touching the wounds of Jesus that Thomas’ faith was restored.
God’s Compassion
It often happens that we feel guilty for doubting the existence of God. The Bible ask us to trust in the Lord and we feel that we let God down when we fail in trust. Worse that the feeling of guilt is our fear that, because we doubt, God will punish us in some way.
Yet Jesus’ treatment of Thomas show us that this is not so. Jesus did not reproach Thomas for doubting: he helped him to doubt no longer. Jesus gives us Thomas in order to help us in our doubt, not to punish us for the times when our faith grows shaky. He praised those who believed without seeing, but he did not punish Thomas for refusing to believe unless he saw. He had compassion on Thomas, and he also has compassion on us when we doubt.
Faith and Doubt
Faith means believing what we cannot clearly see. Faith means trusting, even though we cannot check to make sure: ‘I believe; help my unbelief’. Only the person with incontrovertible proof has no need of faith. Ordinarily, faith comes hand in hand with moments of doubt.
Many sincere, honest believers, share the experience of doubting you describe, even as they believe. Like you, they try to hold on to God’s hand, often in darkness. Occasionally they may even feel that there is no hand to hold on to at all.
Sharing Faith Together
This is a frightening feeling. A helpful way of dealing with it is to talk to other believers. Their faith will make you steady when yours is shaky; and when you are feeling steady, you can stretch out your hand to keep them from toppling.
Faith is a shared thing. That is why Jesus called people together and had many disciples. That is why he said: ‘Where two or three meet in my name, I am there among them.’ (Matthew 18:20) when you cannot feel the hand of God, touch the hand of another believer, and God will gently squeeze the life of faith back into you through that other person.
Faith is infectious. When the disciple on the road to Emmaus came to believe that Jesus was truly alive, they became excited, and set out immediately to tell the others. (Luke 24:30-35). As Christians we can ‘piggy-back’ on the faith of others when we are too weak to walk ourselves; and we can lend our back to them when they feel shaky, and we are strong. In other words, we can lift each other towards God, who lifts us all. This article first appeared in The Messenger, a publication of the Irish Jesuits.
