Whew! I have just returned from a long trek through the country outside our tiny village. Before starting out, I added a one-pound weight to each arm, in order to strengthen them and also to burn off more calories.

Comparable journeys
At first, the path was level and relatively free of obstacles, although the sunless sky threatened rain. Then the trail became hilly, and a layer of uneven gravel made walking more challenging. Still, I enjoyed the flight of a hawk swooping overhead and the pungent odour of wild flowers which were growing among the patches of wild grass bordering the river. Then, suddenly, the sun lit up the path, illuminating crevices of beauty not noticed before.

I find it easy to compare my venture this morning with a good marriage. Jim and I have been journeying together for some thirty years. While at times the road has been smooth, we have also passed through periods where there were peaks and pot-holes, and even seemingly insurmountable barriers.

Looking back on them now, I can see how these have challenged and strengthened our marriage along the way. And through the dreary and dark moments, the Holy Spirit has lightened our path, reminding us of our blessings.

Complementary qualities
Spouses with shared values, outlooks and interests have a better chance of a successful marriage than those who come with little in common. Although Jim was raised on a farm, and I grew up in a large city, our families had similar values, teaching us the importance of honesty and open communication with each other. They taught that success was measured by how much we gave back to the community through the use of our talents and special gifts.

Intellectually, Jim is more logical, has a better memory for historical facts, and is much more mathematically inclined than I will ever be, but he admires my writing ability, my lively imagination and my ideas and observations. These latter may appear odd to him at times, but they enable him to see life from a different vantage point. 

Strengths and weaknesses
Though Jim and I are still very attracted to each other, we are also best friends. In our marriage, we openly admire each other's strengths and tolerate each other's weaknesses.

For example, I often compliment Jim on his keen memory for historical and political events, while I tolerate his poor recollection of chores I've asked him to do around the house! On the other hand, he tells me often what a great cook I am, but resists the temptation to grumble when a layer of dust forms on the furniture, or when he finds out I've mismatched his socks!

We enjoy each other's company, even if he's doing a crossword puzzle by himself while I'm engrossed in reading a thriller. We inspire each other when we get discouraged, and soothe each other when we're anxious about the kids or problems affecting our work. In other words, we are friends who also happen to be passionately in love. Yes, even after all those years!

Communication
When we were first married, I was frustrated at Jim's reluctance to communicate and express his inner conflicts and feelings. I sometimes used say to him, 'Let's talk', and Jim would reply, 'Well, what do you want to talk about?' It was very frustrating!

It took me a while to realize that I could not force him to communicate, but had to wait until it felt safe for him to do so. Then, I would try to listen intently without interrupting, judging or making critical statements. Now, he spontaneously shares some of his inner thoughts, dreams and worries. 

Nurturing the relationship
Over the years, we have also learned, through trial and error, how to argue and resolve conflicts more effectively. We now know that in a fruitful argument each partner explains why he or she is upset, while the other listens, without resorting to insults or claiming to know what the other is thinking or feeling. Our tiffs are quieter too, because we have learned that yelling at each other seldom solves problems.

Jim and I try not to take each other for granted, but constantly strive to improve our relationship. When the children were small, we made time for each other by hiring a babysitter in order to be together for a few hours, or we arranged to have a romantic candlelit supper after the children were tucked in bed.

We still plan special times to be together, by going to a secluded cabin up north, away from our children and grandchildren. Simple things, like going for a short stroll together, or renting a video and making popcorn, can spark our relationship, as silly as that may sound.

Trust
From the very beginning, Jim and I have trusted each other, and neither of us has betrayed that trust. I remember telling Jim one Sunday, after singing in the choir loft while he sat in the pew below, 'I look at you down there, and tell myself how lucky I am that I have the most attractive, kindest man in the congregation as my husband'. It may have sounded soppy, but Jim knew from the tear in the corner of my eye that I was sincere in what I said.

Our marriage will continue to be a journey through sunny, carefree periods and days tinged with gloom. Obstacles may be difficult to overcome, and failure to communicate properly may sometimes threaten the atmosphere of our relationship, but we know we'll always travel together with God as our guide.  

Gratitude for this gift
We will continue to encourage and support each other when the path is rough, and laugh and enjoy each other when things are smooth, for we are not only lovers, but trusted friends. We will continue to pray together and to ask the Holy Spirit to nourish and fortify our relationship.

Communication will keep us in touch with each other, and we will also savour one another's company during times of quiet. We will comfort each other when sorrow comes our way, and count our blessings when life is going well. And we will not forget to be grateful to God for what we have: on most days, a good marriage, and on very special days, a magnificent one!