'We're twenty-nine years married, so we have only one year left before we break up,' my husband announced with a twinkle in his eye, as we celebrated our anniversary.

'Let's make the most of it then,' I said, raising my glass of cham­pagne. 'To our last year together.'

Other couples

Maybe we shouldn't have joked about the subject, but Jim and I were doing what comes naturally: using our sense of humour to deal with an unpleas­ant topic.

In the past few weeks, we heard of three couples who were separating or getting divorced, and all three had been married thirty years. Jim and I felt for­tunate that our marriage seemed to be getting stronger and our love for each other richer over the years. Although we did not know the unhappy couples very well, we assumed that their marriages had been unhealthy for many years before they col­lapsed.

Early stresses and strains

Our own marriage has had some rocky times over the years. The first few months of our married life were hectic. Jim began teach­ing in an agricultural college in a small southwestern town in Ontario, shortly after we had settled into a new home.

As well as that, I gave birth to our first baby on the same evening that Jim defended his doctoral thesis. The stress was enough to strain any marriage, and since we were still getting acquainted with each other, it was difficult keeping our relation­ship on an even keel.

Thank God, Jim was so under­standing and not easily ruffled. He put up with my complaints about adjusting to a little town. I was born in a large city, and missed going to the theatres, museums and huge department stores. And he seldom griped about his own anxieties about starting a new job and dealing with his thesis. Thanks to God's help and Jim's mellow nature, we weathered that fretful period.

Surviving difficulties

Over the years we enjoyed extremely happy times, but also endured stretches where we wondered how we would survive emotionally and financially. Dur­ing the toddler years, we had little time for each other, but with the help of a trusted babysitter we managed to escape about twice a month to have supper together and talk about us for a change.

Then, as the children grew older, I suffered episodes of clin­ical depression, which affected the whole family. During those periods, Jim helped out with the children and household chores as much as possible, and encour­aged me to get help. During my last episode, I finally received the right medication, and have been stable for over twelve years now. I'm extremely grateful that Jim never gave up on me, and con­sequently our marriage today is stronger than ever.

Times of change

Of course, our children's passage through the turbulent teenage years turned our hair grey, but also taught us that trusting in God is the only way to deal with challenging times. Despite our occasional doubts and fears, God ushered us through those roller-coaster years, and we emerged relatively unscathed. Our offspring are now healthy and productive adults, with families of their own.

Now, Jim and I face the chal­lenge of getting older but still keeping our marriage fresh and interesting. Although he is still working, Jim is looking forward to retiring in a few years - from his job that is. Then he can pursue other interests, like bridge, both directing and playing more often. I am already enjoying a new phase in my life that began when my children were almost grown up. This is the time when, freed of the pressures of raising a family, I can now devote my time to writing, something I have been enjoying since I was a small girl.

Jim and I have entered a stage in our marriage where we can enjoy each other's company, as well as our accomplishments. We have learned over the years to solve disagreements by listening and trying to see each other's point of view, rather than fleeing the scene. Most importantly, we try to refrain from attacking each other verbally, for something said in anger can sometimes leave lasting scars.

Age of opportunity

At this stage of our lives, we have found new opportunities for personal growth, through learn­ing new skills, taking courses in subjects that interest us, attend­ing plays and reading, not just for enjoyment, but to learn some­thing new.

We can also enjoy our grand­children, and enhance their lives without bearing the responsib­ility for their upbringing. As well as that, we can appreciate our children and be there for them, as they tread through the awesome journey of parenthood.

Many couples we know have wanted to travel to places they have always yearned to see, but never had the time or money to do so. Friends of ours, a few years older than us, went camping to the east coast of Canada last summer. They have also travelled to Europe to visit their relatives in Holland, and have gone boating in western Canada. Unfortunately, ill­ness recently dealt them a cruel blow, but at least they were able to enjoy travelling when they could, and will always have those memories to cherish.

Another couple we know, who are in their eighties, have been thoroughly enjoying their so-­called 'retirement years', which for them have been active and productive. They still engage in active sports, go camping, travel abroad, visit their grandchildren often, and take an active part in community endeavours. They enjoy each other's company, and their marriage is certainly a happy one and an inspiration to their friends.

Jim and I have no idea what the future holds for us, but we are in God's hands, so we need not fear. We are best friends who support each other and remind each other of our potential. When I'm discouraged, he cheers me on, and I do the same for him. And we both heartily agree with the following words by St. Teresa of Avila: There is nothing annoying that is not gladly suffered by those who love each other.