'Dear!' My husband bellowed from the kitchen where he sat surrounded by bills. Though we had only been married a few months, I had learned that the way he said 'dear' - he seldom called me Jeanette - alerted me to what mood he was in. From the exasperation resonating from this 'dear' I knew I was in trouble!

I strolled into the kitchen, wearing my sorrowful puppy expression. That usually dissipated some of his irritation.

'When you write a cheque,' he said, using the tone usually reserved for an errant child, 'could you please remember to fill in the stub, so I can keep track of what's been spent?' Then, as he began another financial lecture, my mind flicked back to the days when my mum had struggled to teach me about money matters.

Nowadays, I would be labelled 'money-management challenged'. Then, when we called a spade a spade, I was just a dolt, who was too scatter-brained to keep track of her money!

Ignorance of money matters
Mum struggled for years to teach me money sense. By the time I was finally living on my own, I had learned to fold my notes and insert them neatly into my purse rather than cramming them into my pocket. I also knew never to allow my cheques to bounce. But, apart from that, I still remained ignorant about most money matters.

Then I met Jim, and we fell in love. He didn't seem to mind that my financial skills were almost non-existent. He was clever and had a logical mind, although I suspect it was not quite up to par when he decided to marry me! I was emotional, creative and unrealistic, so we agreed before we married that he would take care of the finances.

Then, when Jim was in his early forties, he needed a new hip and had to be hospitalized for three weeks. I would be in charge of the family finances! The thought petrified me!

Learning from experience
After a few financial planning lessons, which tested both Jim's patience and his sense of humour, I learned how to handle the bills before he left for the hospital. The first time I sat down to pay them, I demanded absolute silence. The kids stared at me transfixed, for they had never before seen me sign a cheque, let alone pay the bills. Their trepidation was mixed with pride, however. Soon the oldest remarked, 'Hey, Mum, you really seem to know what you're doing! Dad will be surprised'.

Today, Jim regularly pays the bills, since it comes more naturally to him, but he keeps me posted on our financial situation, and warns me when we need to cut down on our expenses.

Nowadays, financial problems are a leading cause of marriage break-up. Engaged couples would 
be wise to discuss money matters before their marriage. They should know what their combined income will be and how they will pay the bills. They should talk about each each other's spending habits and attitudes to debts. They should decide together how they will save and invest their money.

Different times
Before Jim and I married, we agreed to live simply, saving our money before buying a new car and furniture. Our house was a good buy, and the furnishings came from family cast-offs, including an ancient couch that used to be at my parents' cottage. My aunt gave us her dining-room suite when she moved into an apartment, and my uncle gave us an antique, solid-oak bookcase which I still treasure today.

We started our family early, and because I wanted to stay at home with my young children I did without a car. Since we lived in a smaIl town, the children and I could walk to places such as the doctor's surgery, the public library and the swimming pool, but if we needed to go some distance, I would take Jim to the college, just five minutes away, use the car, and then pick him up again after work.

Saving was not easy for us. When we did start getting ahead, the washer or dryer would suddenly seize up, or the car would need repairs. But we always paid our bills on time and bought plenty of insurance. Finally, we reached a point where we were able to buy some retirement savings plans and mutual funds. Even when money was in short supply, we have always given regularly to our parish and to worthwhile charities.

Faith in God
Whenever financial problems caused us worry, our faith in God sustained us. Indeed, God seemed to answer our pleas for help most clearly when we seemed to be hurting the most.

For instance, when my four children were teenagers and cash was scarce, we found out to our surprise that a much-loved elderly aunt, who had died, had left us some money. She had always said she would leave her money to the university, where she had been head of the Food Sciences Department for many years, so we were really surprised.

At times, I have envied people who have enough money to travel to far-off places, buy a holiday home or own a boat. But Jim and I know that having material things certainly does not guarantee happiness. Many couples we know, who seemed to have everything they needed, ended up separating or getting divorced.

The lure of materialism
In our materialistic society, it's difficult to resist the lure of commercials that bombard and tempt us wherever we go. Unfortunately, many young married couples sign mortgages, leases and purchase agreements without knowing the long-term effects of these financial commitments. They need to take control of their finances, before they find their finances controlling them.

Jim is the main money manager in the family but, because we communicate about our financial situation, I at least know how much money is coming in, where our investments lie, and where our insurance policies are to be found if they are needed.

Those things are important, of course. But what matters most is the knowledge that we are happiest when we live simply, savouring the things that can't be bought, like good health and time spent with our children and grandchildren. We may not be able to leave them a fortune, but we will, I hope, leave them many happy memories and a philosophy of life that will stand to them in their journey in this world.