Jim and I obviously survived the journey our four children took through the tumultuous teens, but for a few years it was touch-and-go. At that time, our home was flooded with the seething hormones of four young people, whose moods varied from effervescent joy to the deepest doldrums, and then to seething anger... in a matter of minutes!

Contrary adolescents
Jim and I were no longer the parents who were wonderful company and knew everything. Suddenly, we were 'the old people' who were narrow-minded, much too strict and hopelessly unaware of what life was really like 'nowadays'.

I remember talking to a friend in her sixties, whose memories of her four boys when they were teens were still fresh. 'Jeanette, if I told them what time it was, they would disagree,' she said with a smile. 'If I claimed something was black, they'd say it was white. I soon learned I could never win, and began to take their belligerence in my stride.' Her words gave me some comfort.

Humour and understanding
One thing you definitely need when dealing with teenagers is a sense of humour. For instance, I found it amusing that my teenage girl would automatically change her outfit if I happened to compliment it. If Mum liked it, it was definitely a write-off!

Since we had always enjoyed listening to our children discuss topics at the dinner table, they continued to express their opinions about daily events. We valued their views on various subjects, but sometimes discussions on political or religious issues could reach boiling point.

'You just don't understand, Mum and Dad. Things are different now!' was one statement that frequently cropped up during these debates.

Unexpected disappointment
One of the hardest lessons we learned was that our kids, despite our efforts to teach them about good morals and responsibility, could let us down more often than we had expected. One evening, I was entertaining my two older sisters - one a nun when two policemen knocked on the door, accompanied by two of my boys, looking shame-faced.

'Your sons have been drinking under-age,' the huskier one announced. 'They got into your oldest son's beer when he left them alone in his apartment for a while. No charges will be laid this time, but let this be a lesson to them.'
I returned to my sisters redfaced with embarrassment, but they didn't seem shocked, especially the one with six grown children who had already weathered the storm of the teenage years. 'Things like this will happen now and then, despite all your efforts,'

she said soothingly. And the nun added, 'Just put them in God's hands, and everything will work out in the end.' She had the optimism of someone who's never been a mum, I thought to myself! But her advice did payoff, for all my children are grown up, and three have families of their own.

Difficult environment
Nowadays it's even harder for parents to raise teenagers. There are even more external influences to deal with, like the uncensored Internet and movies riddled with sex and violence, which undermine what parents, schools and the Church are teaching.

Today's teens must deal with various temptations, and no doubt are affected by the scandalous behaviour on the part of a few grown-ups in authority. Now, more than ever, we need to pray for them, and be there when they need a listening ear or a word of encouragement. They may act as if they don't want anything to do with their parents, but deep down they are aware that they need strong guidance and plenty of unconditional love.

Nostalgia
Occasionally I miss those hectic days crammed with high-school events, dating, driving lessons and cramming for exams. More often I miss the happier times, when they and their friends filled the house on a weekend with their modern music, joyful laughter and ceaseless chatter. I sometimes even feel a tinge of nostalgia for their noisy outbursts, their sulky moods and their incessant talking on the phone. But usually I savour the peace and quiet I now enjoy!

Tolerance and support
Although the teen years made us fret and worry, they also taught us to be more tolerant of other people's views, including those of our children. We learned to let some things go that had nothing to do with faith and morals, like allowing the boys to wear their hair long or get an ear pierced, and letting our daughter redecorate her room in hideous colours. We learned to appreciate their strong points, and tried to tolerate their many mood swings and quests for independence.

Whenever they were overwhelmed with problems or insecurities, I assured them, 'Some people say these years are the best in your life, but don't believe it. Being a teenager is very hard, but things will get better. I can assure you of that.'

When my daughter was seventeen, she attended a young people's weekend put on by our local church. To our delight she came home with a better appreciation of her home life.

'I can't believe,' she exclaimed to Jim and me, 'how good I really have it here. Lots of kids I met have parents who are separated or divorced. And you're always there for us! A lot of parents are too busy to talk to their kids!' That was music to our ears.

Looking back
Throughout their teen years, Jim and I continued to nourish and encourage each other, and made sure we stole some time each week to enjoy each other's company. We tried to laugh at the comical side of teenage excesses, such as the pungent odour of after-shave which lingered in the house for days after our eldest son left for his first date.

When we both felt defeated, we would recall our need to trust in God and remember the victories we had celebrated. We tried to give good example by attending church regularly and praying with the family whenever we got the opportunity.

Now that our children are grown, we realize that we should have been more tolerant towards them, loved them more unconditionally, and been more generous in our praise. But we did the best we could to be good parents during those challenging years, and sought God's help. Because of that, our love for each other has grown deeper and stronger.