My father is a non-Catholic but I was baptised a Catholic because my mother was Catholic. She died when I was three years old and as a result, I seldom practiced my religion as a young child, especially as the elementary school I attended was a public school. However, I got my secondary education at one of Trinidad's leading Catholic schools, St. Mary"s College. It had been started almost one hundred years before by the Irish Holy Ghost Fathers and had a long tradition of academic excellence and achievement. It had formed and trained many of the important figures in the society and was a tremendous influence for good in Trinidad.

Going to St Mary's College was a turning point in my life. It opened up a new and exciting world to a mind that was young and eager to learn. I loved studying and I was driven by a desire to do well because for someone like me, without wealth, education could be a gateway to success and a happy life. I was athirst for knowledge and I strove for excellence in my work. I was greatly encouraged in this by the priests who taught me for many of them were hardworking, dedicated men who tried to bring out the best in us. My studies became the centre of my life even though I was involved in several extra-curricular activities. I enjoyed my years in secondary school.

I discover answers. . !
It was at St. Mary's College and especially in religion classes that for the first time I came to learn about Catholicism. Even before I entered secondary school I was seeking happiness and searching for the meaning and purpose of life, because I often felt a void within me which the ordinary pleasures of life could not fill. All joy and pleasure seemed so fleeting and transient. I wanted something permanent and lasting. I wanted something to hold on to and live for. So when I went to St. Mary's College and began to learn about the Catholic faith, it seemed that I had found the answer to the many questions I had been asking. A whole new world was opened up for me. A world that offered beauty and joy and the happiness that I had been looking for. The faith taught me that God in fact, was the only one that could satisfy us finally and completely - "'our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee" and that I could find God in and through His Church. This Church offered me a sure way to God and to permanent and lasting happiness. The faith was so well-ordered and structured and whole and complete and it gave order and meaning to my life.

Many of the priests who taught us were Irish and their lives were great examples of dedicated service. They made us strive for excellence not only in our studies but in every aspect of our lives. They impressed on us that happiness was to be achieved by living our lives well, by doing whatever we had to do as best as we could, that sanctity was not only desirable but possible, and that a truly successful life was a holy life. They taught us that happiness was not something we could grasp in itself but was a byproduct of good living and that a good life was one centred on God and one's neighbour. The priest who taught us were often outstanding examples of service to God and others. Words may sound but example thunders and the example of my teachers had a tremendous impact on my life. There was one priest in particular, an Irish Dominican, who did not teach me but who was a great friend of mine and who influenced me, perhaps more than I imagined. He was of keen
intellect, of great wit and humour, a powerful preacher and with an abiding love of life. We spent many hours together sharing ideas and discussing the Church's teaching and through him I came to know and love my faith more and more. He taught me much about western art and culture and about the role played by the Church in the development of western civilization and he whetted my appetite for further study and travel. All this drew me closer to the Church and I considered myself very fortunate to be a Catholic and have access to all that the Church offered me to live life as fully as possible while on earth, with the promise of eternal life hereafter.

Priesthood – yes or no?
Because I worked hard. urged on as I was by my teachers and because of my need to succeed. I did well in my final examinations and was awarded a university scholarship to study abroad. The example of some of the priests who taught me and my desire to live a useful meaningful life made me decide to study for the priesthood. I felt that the priesthood would offer me all that I wanted from life – a life of study and prayer and service to others. It would be a satisfying life both intellectually and spiritually. So I entered an Irish seminary to begin my training for the priesthood. I loved the discipline and order and challenge of seminary life and I did enjoy the years I spent in Ireland at the seminary and the University. However, after several years in the seminary it became clear that a vocation to the priesthood was not what God had in mind for me.

Hurt...rejected…abandoned?
The decision to leave the seminary was a very difficult one. It left me bitter and disappointed because it seemed that the hopes and desires that I had so long cherished would not now be fulfilled. I felt hurt and rejected. I felt that I had missed my chance of a happy, useful life. I turned to alcohol for release from the emptiness and pain, as an escape from reality and I soon became an alcoholic. I drank heavily for several years. My years of drinking were years of terrible suffering and turmoil and self-pity and near despair. Often I felt that all was not worth living. There was no joy in my life. I still went to Sunday Mass but it was often mere ritual and the practice of my religion was without conviction. My faith was a shambles but I held on because there was nothing else to hold on to. "You have made us for yourself O Lord". I knew that drinking was killing me and I wanted to stop, but I could not. Life was sheer hell and I wanted a way out so I finally cried out to God for help. It is said that God takes men into deep waters, not to drown them but to cleanse them. I certainly was in fairly deep. Finally, after all the years of suffering and self destruction, I got the grace to stop drinking and to join Alcoholics Anonymous.

From misery to peace
I am sober several years now and I thank God every day for my sobriety and my new life. My faith has been renewed and strengthened and I believe that I am a better Catholic now than I ever was. Certainly there: is a greater depth and maturity to my faith. It seems to me that my former desire for the priesthood may have been a search for security and self-preservation, personal salvation and not so much a desire to serve and save others. I believe that now in Alcoholics Anonymous God offers me a very real opportunity to help other alcoholics since I can reach out to them with true empathy because we have travelled the same road. Perhaps this is where my true vocation lies.

Because of my involvement with Alcoholics Anonymous, I have come to know myself better and have learnt to trust God more and I am more willing to accept his will for me. I am learning to "let go and let God". Today I realised that God does not owe me anything, that I am just another one of his "unprofitable servants" and I am grateful for whatever graces he may send my way.

In happiness and hope
I am grateful especially for the gift of faith which I received so many years ago in baptism, a faith that was nourished by my teachers, many of them Irish, both at St. Mary's College and later in the seminary in Dublin. I am specially grateful for that faith because now I live in North America which is a materialistic and even pagan society, though it contains many good and holy people. It is a society in which one can easily forget God and one's neighbour and lose one's sense of direction and purpose. Today I try to reach out and help wherever and whenever I can, living my life one day at a time through Gods' grace which like my faith, is a gift I do not deserve.